When I need directions, 99% of the time I consult Google Maps.
99% of the time that gets me from point A to point B with no hassle.
Therein lies the problem. What if you don't know exactly where you are going, or exactly where you want to go?
On Google Maps I entered "present" as my starting point and "future" as my destination and strangely I got two different 10 minute routes from a Present address in Falls Church, Virginia, to "Resources for the Future" in Washington, DC. I was expecting something more along the lines of destination unknown, but as is life, you don't always get what you expect.
What happens when you don't have directions?
What happens when you don't know which route to take?
What happens when the road is not marked?
I feel like that I have come to the first big metaphorical fork in the road in my life. I am on the edge of change and I can feel it bubbling under my feet. I am equal parts excitement and nerves, sometimes without a care in the world, sometimes with my boots feeling heavier by the minute.
This past year has been both enjoyable and trying in all aspects of life. I began my last year of University study with hopes of good times with great friends, as well as some fear and anticipation for the future. So far I have had great times meeting new people, keeping up with old friends, and I am 7/9 months finished with the year and basically finished with my degree.
My biggest qualm with Google maps is that it cannot give me direction for the future. Google is supposed to have an answer for everything.
Yesterday was the first time that I felt that I had to make a truly adult decision, and it was a little upsetting. I had previously gone through the process of having to decide between two different interviews on one particular date and I thought that was bad, but it wasn't.
Yesterday I received an email from a company offering me a second round interview this Friday in their Houston office. I am really interested in this company, so this should have been really good news, right? (Gram and Nana, the other info in the email starts here!)
Well I have had a trip booked with 4 other friends to go to San Francisco leaving this Thursday. Despite all of the advancements in technology, no one was come up with a way for me to be in two places at once, and therefore I was left with a decision to make.
Work? or play?
I chose work. I cancelled my flight. I am going to Houston this Friday. I was a bit upset with everything. It is unfortunate that I have to miss out on the trip, but this decision was something much bigger in my mind. This decision felt like my first true decision. A decision I had to make on my own. A decision investigating my values. A decision that could potentially alter the course of my life. That bubbling under my feet turned into a full blown boil, and it started to burn. I realized that this brink of change that I am on is maybe one of the biggest I will experience in my life.
Several hours later I received a phone call with a full time job offer. More boiling water, more head spins, but my boots got a little lighter.
It is only 6pm.
So in the midst of all of this water bubbling and boiling, my boots feeling heavier, lighter, heavier, lighter, I remember a few things.
1. The letter that my Nana gave me for Christmas detailing her family history. My two biggest take aways from this letter were, that no matter what your situation, you can always be successful, and that you should always be gracious with people. It was comforting to know that I came from such stronger ancestors (Nana/Nellie/Gran Nanny Poppins included) and that no what decisions I face, everything will work out in the end.
2. Yesterday would have been my Pop's 84th birthday. I called Gram to talk to her, I don't know if she knew that is why I called, but now she knows. It made me again, realize the importance of family and how precious our time is together.
3. Yesterday was my friend Cameron's 23rd birthday. When I arrived at his house I told him "You only turn 22 once!" not realizing I had done the math wrong. When his roommate wrote that he was turning 23 I freaked out because I realized that I would be 22 soon and that 23 was next.
These three realizations, combined with my upcoming graduation, and the likelihood of my friends and I not living in the same city/state/country again hit me pretty hard. Then I remembered exactly what I had been thinking about... I have an amazing and loving support group consisting of both friends and family, that no matter what path I chose to take, that I am in control, and that our time together, in Austin, or in life is limited, but that is what makes it so special.
I know that Google Maps has not been able to help me on this particular path, though it is a pretty significant one, but I know that I will be able to successfully navigate it on my own. What seem like like mountains now will be ground down to pebbles in the future. These decision seems big now, but I am ready to take them.
